The Truth Behind Edo Tensei
by Mizudoriko
Summary: The truth is, the Shinigami just wanted to get rid of some emo balls of angst in the Impure World. *cough*Madara*cough* And dear Tobi's untested Forbidden Jutsu looks promising, it's not as if anyone has tried it, so they won't start questioning why it suddenly works now, right? Hmm? Madara has plans for it? Wonderful! Crack!


**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, I wish I did though...**

* * *

The Shinigami is having a good day. All the necessary souls were collected and the annoying souls he "consumed" are for once quiet. Consumed souls were actually stuck in another realm and left there so they can figure out their differences. If they do, they finally get to pass on to one of the other realms, too bad that no one has figured that out yet.

All was well in the afterlife

Or so he would like to think.

The truth is, it is anything but quiet in his realm. While the souls in the Pure World are usually quite peaceful, most of the ones in the Impure World however, are literally bundles of angst with their little sob stories.

Like Madara

 _Especially_ Madara

He is the embodiment of Angst and yes, his angst deserved the caps, no other soul can compete with his Supreme Angstiness of all Angst.

Before Madara arrived in the Impure World, everything had been normal. The gray clouds were their normal gray, the rivers were still freezing cold, and all the souls were staying in their depressed corners. Some of the better souls in the Impure World had better accommodations, but they were the less depressing ones. Some of them didn't even belong there, they only stayed because of some unfinished business, a prime example would be the Sage of Six Paths. That guy stayed behind because of his sons' silly feud with each other. It was also because of those two that Madara even exists in the first place. How a relatively normal person had sired _those_ two is a complete mystery, no wonder the poor soul couldn't pass on, he must be so ashamed of the antics his two sons got up to.

So everything was all well and good until it all fell apart.

Now why did it fall apart?

Ask Madara, it's all his fault.

In fact, everything is always his fault.

-Bad milk? Madara's fault, he probably curdled it with his sour mood.

-A kunai and it stabbed you in the arm? Oh, it was probably Madara who threw it.

-Your pet cat was murdered? Definitely Madara, he hates cat hair on his clothes.

However, despite wanting to kick angst incarnate out of his realm, the Shinigami was stuck with him. Madara had died, it was as simple as that, and Kami forbid the Shinigami actually allowing him to go back to life. It would look terrible on his record, all the minor kamis would probably point at him and whisper among themselves with wide eyes. He could already imagine what they are going to say about it and resents that they don't understand what it is like to be stuck with the bane of all existence called _Madara_. Another part of him is secretly envious that they don't have to exist in the same plane of reality with Madara. However, since he is dead, it is the Shinigami's job to accept him into the ranks of the dead. So the Shinigami tried his best to ignore him.

It didn't work.

Then he came up with a genius plan.

So he tried to quit his job a week later, keyword being _tried._

Needless to say, Kami wasn't pleased with his explanation.

* * *

" _Brother, I have come to quit my job,"_ said the Shinigami on Monday. It was Monday because all terrible things happen on Monday, in fact, Madara arrived on Monday.

" _..."_

At the silence he explained, " _I absolutely can not exist in the same dimension as Uchiha Madara"_

" _Why ever not?"_ Kami questioned with a small amused smile

" _He is insufferable"_ the Shinigami sighed longsufferingly

Kami tilts his head to the side as if to question his brother's sanity, he has been doing this quite a lot recently,

" _He seems fine to me…"_

The Shinigami glared balefully,

" _You've never had to deal with him."_

" _Touche."_

" _So I'm quitting."_ the Shinigami tried again hopefully.

Kami sighed at his younger brother's words,

" _Dear brother of mine, if you quit, who would take your place?"_

" _Someone else, anyone, anyone at all."_ The Shinigami cried, waving his arms around wildly as if doing so would explain everything. It didn't.

" _Even Madara?"_

The Shinigami sulked while he answered the question grudgingly,

" _No! That emo would destroy the afterlife in a matter of minutes!"_

" _See? You do care about your job, making you the best for it."_ Kami grinned knowing that he had won while he watched his younger brother's expression change from sulky to absolutely thunderous. When the Shinigami opened his mouth to protest again Kami decided that he had enough and ordered his younger brother to return to his job. He promptly turned around and left without another word.

* * *

Turns out his genius plan was not so genius after all.

And so the Shinigami was stuck with his "unfortunate" job, eventually, he got used to ignoring Madara. Namely, by sticking him under house arrest, the Shinigami thought himself quite kind. Most souls in the Impure World didn't even have houses. They just floated around feeling sorry for themselves.

All was well in the afterlife, though the screams from a house in the far distance did occasionally upset some of the denizens of the area. Most of them were glad that he stopped trying to put them all in a genjutsu for some crazy reason or other. Though his constant mutters about a perfect world without corruption may have something to do with it. It has been the only thing he really said other than insults to various peoples of the Impure world. Frankly, the Shinigami doesn't want to know what Madara thinks about, fearing for his own sanity. Or what was left of it after Madara.

Then Hashirama finally found him.

It was then that the Shinigami felt scared for the first time in his existence.

Now, Hashirama isn't a bad person, he's just a bit different…

Though there is a fine line between different and completely another species altogether, the Shinigami isn't sure if it was the former or the latter. He really didn't want to know either. Hashirama can be a species all to himself and no one would hold a grudge against the "honor" of being classified as such. Everyone has learned to keep themselves away from his ridiculous and suspiciously bipolar mood swings into depression and hyperactivity. It hurt to even look at him sometimes, in much more ways than one.

Apparently, he and Madara had some history together when they were alive. Which should have set off warning bells that they should never be in near vicinity of each other _ever._ The Shinigami honestly didn't really know what he expected, but it certainly wasn't Hashirama breaking Madara out of his pris-house after catching wind of where his "friend" was staying. He supposed that it is true what they say that crazies attract. It also might be his feverish mind making excuses to think of anything but the traumatizing reunion between the two of them. Saying what happened after was chaotic is an understatement. It was Madara's fault more than Hashirama's, but Hashirama really shouldn't have destroyed Madara's house.

House, not prison

He's there willingly, there's a difference...

Though he might have been _persuaded..._

Needless to say, Madara is an ungrateful little mortal as he took one look at Hashirama and charged at his former friend, screaming obscenities the entire time. The rest of the occupants of the Impure World weren't very surprised at what happened. There was actually a betting pool on how long it would take for Hashirama to figure out that the person inside the house with walls of steel two feet thick, too many locks to count, and no windows or doors whatsoever belonged to one Uchiha Madara. How Hashirama managed it was a mystery, but he managed nonetheless. The Shinigami would be impressed if he didn't have to be the one to put Madara back in there.

Hashirama had arrived sometime before Madara and was confused as to why his best friend wasn't there. He wanted to apologize to Madara for killing him and to beg for Madara's forgiveness. Knowing Hashirama, an apology would include a copious amount of tears, floor banging, and be extremely awkward. No wonder Madara didn't even give him the chance to apologize, instead trying to shut him up permanently. Well, shut up permanently as a dead person can be.

Madara's breakout resulted in a week of screaming and changing the landscape to the point that it isn't even recognizable. They fought day and night, not that there was much distinction between the two when you are dead. Money was riding high as all the denizens of the Impure World betted on who was going to win this battle royale. It was a source of entertainment as there aren't very many interesting things in the afterlife, in fact, it was the first in several millennia. All the souls came to watch, wisely keeping a far distance away from the fight so they don't get caught in the crossfire. The Shinigami was amused, though he despaired inside after he figured out how much time it work it would take to fix the landscape.

While the weeklong battle was occurring some of the souls in the Impure World passed on bringing news of the fight to the Pure World. Since the Pure World also terribly boring, many were requesting the Shinigami to let them watch the fight. When they were refused, they became resentful and angry, arguing with the Shinigami that he wasn't being fair. Although time for the Shinigami is insignificant, he _is_ a divine entity after all, days of angry people yelling at him gave him the mother of all headaches. It was his job to be "fair" and listen to their complaints about him being "unfair". He really didn't understand what all the fuss is about, he was being as "fair" as is required, "fairness" is a subjective concept.

In the end, he gave in and let a fair amount of the other side over. It wasn't one of the better choices that he had made as he soon found out when some of the Pure World residents were acquainted with the two maniacs. Better yet, all of them looked suspicious with their wide, and slightly insane, grins. When would he ever get a break from all of this undesired chaos? And look, there's more of them coming!

Oh joy...~

Now, the Impure World was very large in order to accommodate all the new souls coming in each day. Those that went to the Pure World didn't tend to stay long as they frequently get reincarnated, so they didn't need much space. Saying that the Impure World is vast is like comparing the size of a universe to a medium sized star.

So, it was very uncommon for anyone to find people that they knew while alive in the Impure World. Unless you are a special snowflake like Madara in which even the people who didn't know him now knew to keep a far distance from him as he is very much insane. His screams of promised vengeance via _Katon: Kill It_ -he means everyone with the generic term "it"- _With Fire no Jutsu_ from a house that looked like a prison facility on steroids probably had something to do with it. _Definitely_ had something to do with it.

But he's _Madara,_ even without those extra details, he'd still be diagnosed as insane…

Ah, well, either way no wanted anything to do with him.

Except for Hashirama, but he doesn't count because no one is sure of his species.

When some of the suspicious souls of deceased shinobi mentioned something about finding the Nidaime to "spice things up", the Shinigami became very concerned. There were quite a few Nidaimes in the Elemental Nations. It really depended on which nation they came from, but the Shinigami had a particularly bad feeling about their schemes. Soon more and more people volunteered information such as "he's definitely died" and "of course he's here, that guy holds the mother of all grudges against Uchiha, he won't pass on until they're all dead…" to " I think he's in the West district fixing the plumbing, again..."

His concerns only grew as people quickly organized into different groups based on their specialties be it in tracking or frontline brawling to "find the Nidaime" so that he can " reunite with his big brother and beat Madara up". They were all incredibly serious and determined, willing to sacrifice watching Hashirama and Madara's entertaining fight to search for this "Nidaime". When a group of people is willing to sacrifice something for something else, it usually has equal or greater value than what they sacrificed. It reminded him of fangirls, the little horrors.

The Shinigami could only watch with growing dread as he watched all of them set out with one purpose and on purpose only. To find their Nidaime. He recognizes that all of them have a head protector with some sort of swirly symbol that somehow was supposed to be a leaf, though it looked nothing like one. Something tells him that remembering is important, unfortunately, he didn't until it was too late.

He only realized who they were talking about when they all came back with blinding smiles and Senju Tobirama in tow. The Tobirama, the brother of a singular Hashirama and the one who has hatred for all Uchihas. The one and only Nidaime Hokage who has an affinity for water which landed him the job of creating all the Impure World's water sources. With his self-assigned job, he was so busy that he didn't even go looking for Hashirama when he realized that _there was no plumbing in the afterlife!_

Though why dead people would need plumbing at all was completely dismissed while resident souls had their fun watching him try to install taps.

Unfortunately for Tobirama, he was also a ball of angst that the Shinigami didn't like. So the Shinigami might have pointed some of the mischievous denizens of the Impure World to "play with poor neglected Tobi". They constantly sabotage and destroy his work, making him start over again.

Tobirama got absolutely nothing done...

The Shinigami was much amused of "poor Tobi" 's troubles.

He did feel offended that anyone would feel that the afterlife needed improving.

But really, what use would the dead find for plumbing?

Needless to say, dear Tobi was very caught up with reinventing plumbing and electricity in the afterlife, isolated from the rest of the souls. So isolated he was, he didn't even know about Madara until some Leaf shinobi showed up and told him that there was an awesome showdown between his brother and Madara going on. The possibility that Madara was in the afterlife is something that didn't even cross his mind as he was enthusiastically dunked in water repeatedly by the children of the Impure World.

What can the Shinigami say? The children are very adorable.

And useful for annoying people.

They would always listen to him when he had a "job" for them.

Probably because his "jobs" included annoying certain "boring" people.

Tobirama spent most of the time trying to actually work while staying dry and out of the clutches of awesome little children. While he never was a person to kill children, despite them being Kami awful nuisances, in this case, he may have tried once or twice. Unfortunately, you can't kill someone who's already dead. So he spent the next decade or so accomplishing absolutely nothing, much to his eternal shame

Seriously, _never_ mention this to him.

His control over water might suddenly slip and you would end up suffocating~

But you'd be already dead, so you'd just feel uncomfortably wet.

Tobirama, being the responsible little brother he is, always had one rule about Hashirama and his fights. If he is fighting someone, judge the scenario accordingly and remove him from the fight as soon as possible. There was only one exception to this rule. If Madara is the opponent, double team against the bastard Uchiha and forget about being respectable because beating Madara is carrying out justice. It doesn't matter if the fight descends into undignified screaming and hair pulling because winning against " _that_ Uchiha" is all that matters.

* * *

 **All right~**

 **First chapter up!**

 **Hey guys, this is my first ever fanfic and I hope you liked it! There will be 2 more chapters before I open it up to character suggestions on who you want me to write about next. Ex. All the people that Kabuto and Orochimaru resurrected.**


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